P.O.N.C

P.O.N.C(Pissed Off Non-Compliant), what a great phrase. I am P.O.N.C!, not at the fact that I have MFI (Male Factor Infertile(ity)), or at work, or anything except, at my Diabetes. I am P.O.N.C! there has been days were I did not bolus for food that I ate, or I ate a whole bag of Oreo cookies, chips, or ate a pizza, or gone with out a bolus for the meals. But at the same time I paid for it. I felt not good at all the next two days, could not sleep, was crabby (to put it mildly) and just not dealing well with life.
After a series of events, mostly having a loud voiced conversation with Jenni about stupid things, mostly about the fact that I don't talk to her about how I am feeling or how I am doing, manly due to my worries about hurting her even more then the time I stated that I didn't know that if I wanted kids now that I know that I am MFI.
For the past couple of months, while Jenni has been in class, my friends and I have been playing world of warcraft(WOW), starcraft II (SCII), Dawn of War Dark Crusade, Dawn of War Soulstorm, Dawn of War II (all are refered as Dawn) and various other video games, not only to pass the time, but for me at least get some release from the frustrations of work, diabetes, MFI and life. Since the last time that I played WOW that I am starting to feel excited about the various new things you can/want to do.
While I understand on some level her frustrations with me playing (what she sees as all/most of the time) on another part I get more frustrated with her cause well (I've never told her {I think}) I am trying to relax/do something mindless,fun with my friends (sometimes I fake how much fun I really am having for the sake of my friends, because I know that wanting to go to sleep right after work and waking up sometime during Saturday is not a healthy option when you know you are having friends over.)
I am now working 4 10's which rocks for the most part, however I am not really used to it and by Wednesday afternoon I am starting to need caffeine dripped right into my veins in order to make it through the rest of the day/next day. I am still not sure on how it works, the whole monday/tuesday, tuesday/wednesday, wednesday/thrusday, thrusday/friday. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure that out. anyway, I am going to be better about blogging from now on, I might not be as avid a blogger as Jenni, but I promise to have at least updates on the IVF process that we are starting in April.