Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
During the vacation I found out that I really do like painting mini's especially for my Warhammer 40K space marine army (I am starting a Tau Empire army, but I am going to do that much slower then the first), and while I am not totally done painting them I thought I would post a few pictures for you all to see.During the little free time I have I been working on them, however I do still have a lot of work ahead of me as I still have a lot more men and at least one more tank to put together
I also have been spending my time doing mini's for Shadowrun, so has Jenni for her Technomancer, she is way more skilled then I when it comes to painting. She did the eyebrows by hand, as well as the eyes, I need a stand and a magnifier as well to get close enough to making in not suck.
Here is my Technomancer :)
I also messed around with the camera and came up with these shots of the Techomancer and his Drone.
Well that is what I have been doing with my time. On the Infertility front, we have stated to save for the IVF treatments, however my car needed new breaks, belts and some other work so I am hoping to be able to get back onto budget so that we don't have to wait longer. So I hope that you have enjoyed the pictures and I hope that you have a great Labor Day Weekend
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I am not worried about that, Jenni is awesome when it comes to money, however we have a few things that will be coming up that might put a major dent in our money saving power (go go student loans). Sitting here at work, two days till my vacation and thinking, today is going to be better (last night was a lot of fun *wink *wink).
So, recap of what I do know, one I like to play Shadowrun (which by the way they finished the run, even though I did chop at least 40% from the end of the run), I am going to try to have kids with my sexy, wonderful, loving wife, I have good friends, a good job, and a great set of pets. I still don't know a lot, but I am comfortable with that.
Friday, August 6, 2010
so this is my first blog from my phone and i really don't know what to post. so i guess i will do recap of what has been going on since i last posted. well first i did not get the job, which is ok since i do get to go on vacation witb jenni. second we saw both the sorcerer's apprentice, which was a fun movie.
then we saw the kids are alright, which jenni really liked, which makes what i am about to say very hard. it was two hours of my worst fear about using a sperm donor.
i am infertile. my sperm don't move on their own. i wish it was different, but it's not. i am not going into the movie so that i will not ruin it for others. but at times i really just wanted to run for the door. we are going camping this weekend with jenni's family which will be a good break for us. well till next time
Friday, July 23, 2010
First up is I got both the first and second interview for a job at my company that I am trying to get. The first one was short and to the point, the second one however was not. One hour and 15 minutes after it was supposed to stop it did. I feel really good about it, I think that I connected with both people and that I will get the job. I won't find out for just over a week. I really suck at waiting for nearly anything.
Last week both Jenni and I went camping. It was really nice to get away from the city and to get away from the computers, phones and well technology. We went fishing and got the dog in the boat with us, she really did not like it, but also did not want to be away from Jenni or I. It was kinda sweet in a doggy way. On the way back we were in the middle of a three car fender breaker, well our fender got broken, nobody else had any real damage.
Other then that life is going ok-ish.
Monday, July 12, 2010
On the baby front we made good progress in this week’s session. Perhaps it was the fact that we talked about our fears, which took a lot for me not to break down in front of the counselor. We worked a little on the infertility issues and how we are all seeing that if I treat the chronic depression and power lift my emotional Inbox into the round file cabinet I might find some of the answers that I am looking for and maybe I can help U2 find what they are looking for as well.
I think that I am gaining a bit of knowledge and insight to whom I am in the core and who Jenni is as well, which sometimes I get the feeling that no matter how much we “talk” to each other, we still will only be scratching the top layers of each other and it will take a lifetime to truly "get her", which is a lifetime I am willing to spend without reservations or remorse.
As with all things you get a little better at it when doing it. It is really hard sometimes to make myself talk about it and not in the bravo (it don't rip me up inside) kind of talk, which you share with your co-worker who are having their 4th kid. Who constantly tell me that I am being foolish to not want one and keep talking up how wonderful and complete they are now that they are having number 4.
They keep talking to me as if I can wish infertility way and make it as if nothing was wrong. I just don't see how they can't see how crazy jealous I am of them, not necessarily about them having the children(a little), but mostly about them knowing what they want and how they just jumped into the abyss of uncertainty. While I sit as far back from the abyss that I can (aka as far as Jenni will let me) questioning every thought/feeling as if it was more important then the last one.
I still end up knowing jack about what I want and what I need to do to get it, perhaps it would be just good to know what I want, besides my wife Jenni. But I am afraid only time will tell on that one.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Then I get to work on Tuesday which was ok, it was slow, like molasses in winter in Alaska during a -70 degree dip. then came Wednesday, which was also slow, but they posted that there was a new position opening up and I had started to think about going for it, then Thursday came.
Thursday suck like nothing else, it was better however then finding out that I had male infertillity issues. first I was running late to work, which for me means I get there at the time I was to start not my usual 15 to 20 minutes before, then we had a meeting, which I found out that my job (which I knew was not too safe from outsourcing) was safe, however the one person who has really kept me there was "let go" they also let go the other person who help out us little people was also let go, they were together the two people whom you could go to for getting something done, now that they are gone, there really is no one to goto to get it done.
Friday was a little better, caught some of the world cup before work (which made me late again, was totally worth it). I had lunch with Jenni (which was totally cool and awesome of her since she got the day off). The rest of work was a little taxing. Friends came over last night and we chewed the fat and it was awesome, we got to talk about stuff that we don’t get to talk about, like swords, fencing, and food.
While I was typing this blog I was watching, yeah you guessed it, WORLD CUP FUTBOL! The Germany vs Argentina game, 4-0 Germany, watched the last half of the game, in which Germany scored 3 of its 4 goals, which Argentina just could not stop. It was like watching Sherman marching on Atlanta, it was not pretty, argentina just could not stop them, no matter what they did Germany’s team was just too much for them to deal with (IMO). My lovely wife enjoyed the fact that I kept my screams of “GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL” down so that she could sleep.
Later today we have a session with the counselor to talk about the infertility issues that have come up in our lives. Boy do I have a lot of issues, guilt, feeling less then manly, not being able to say no to Jenni about most things and the king of issues, not knowing if I want kids, (that has been the first time I have typed it out or wrote it out). How could you not know if you want kids, I mean it is part of being married; you have a wife, then have some kids, enjoy spending time playing sports and re-exploring this world with them. But I just don’t know, I thought that I did, I thought that I had all of the answers. I don’t know jack